The sad part: this isn't the first time that I've been the bearer of this kind of enlightenment.
This reminds me of two incidents with another friend of mine. A classmate and I were discussing Henry Rollins and his theory that this generation is going to be more hardcore than both our parents and our children; my friend asked, "What do you mean, hardcore? What does that mean?" At that point, he was my still my teacher, and explaining "hardcore" to your teacher -- even if you're not repressed and have a friendly rapport with this person -- is admittedly awkward because of the first thing that jumps into your head: porn. Let's be honest, we're all thinking it. Having that in your head while trying to explain the meaning of a new word is a bit daunting, as you want to simultaneously giggle and be serious. And yes, I did hold back on saying, "It's kind of like porn..."
The next incident was even funnier. My hetero life partner Theresa (T for short), my friend (the hardcore one) and I went out for dessert one afternoon. On the menu at this event: T and I had debated for a solid week if we should tell our friend about a Freudian slip that he made a good five months prior. This slip was probably the funniest one I've ever heard: he meant to say, "Did he mean that literally or rhetorically?" What actually came out was, "Did he mean that cliterally or clitorically?" To compound matters, he said this --- you guessed it -- while teaching a group of grad students. Three people, myself and T included, were the only ones to pick up on this (let me tell you, that is certainly one way to snap a bored girl to attention -- "Wait a sec, he said what?"). Being the only ones that heard it, we debated whether or not we should tell him. It was amusing, but we didn't want history to repeat itself. T decided to be the one to break the news. After five minutes of, "You said, um... well, um... you know, um... it's just... um..." I broke down and told him, "Oh, Jesus, you said 'cliterally.'" To which he replied, "No, I didn't... Oh, I did. Oh, great, don't tell me that -- now I'm going to say it again!"
Once again, Erin spreads joy, knowledge and innuendo to her friends and neighbors.
All of this makes me ponder as to why I'm the chosen one that wind up explaining this stuff. Should I have been a sex ed teacher? Really, I'm starting to wonder. Let's review: I've explained the terms "hardcore" and "pasty", and I've also told someone that he made the Freudian slip that pretty much sent Freud tumbling down the stairs to break his ankle. I'm beginning to wonder....